The World, Humanity, and the Ideal Beach Day According to Us


Driving through the park together always botching the same song lyric, we are a heroic couplet of poetic feats.  Basking in our own Cinnamon glow, we play catch up and savor the last day we’ll spend without 5 states between us.  We picked an utterly Michigan backdrop – the dunes – and the perfect plot of sand.  Munching, we chatted, laughed, rolled eyes, and decided we should co-author a book.  The title, still pending, will be all-encompassing, inspired, and witty, and the entries may appear something like this.

Cheap bedsheets covered with beach-towels make surprisingly good picnic blankets.  Stop at Ikea – invest.

Everyone who was a part of your life has a specific role in it.  Your family is valuable for one thing, your friends for others.  Neither can replace the other, and both are essential.

Unlike most picnic foods, two-bite brownies actually improve with exposure to direct sunlight.  The sealed contained locks in the moisture from the tasty treats and after a few hours, the brownies will develop an fresh-from-the-oven consistency and taste.

Let wit and hysterical laughter be your default coping mechanism.  It makes bullshit so much more amusing.

Wear sunscreen.  And if there is any chance you may end up in a extended desert trek, bring said sunscreen and re-apply.

Women must except one of three realities.  Either you are a self-centered and malicious bitch, or everyone else is a bitch and they choose to project it onto you.  Or, we’re just fucked up girls looking for our own peace of mind and we ought to quit squawking.

The best way to scale a very steep dune is by crawling. You look like an idiot, but less of an idiot than if you fall down, hit your head on a tree, and have to explain to the cute doctor in the ER that you fell off an large pile of sand.

Powerful people will be lucky to have as many true friends as they have enemies.  This is not a pessimistic lament, it is simply an empirical fact.   The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can enjoy who you do have.

Go all the way to the top, no matter how tired, hot, or sunburned you are.  When you get there and see the view, you won’t regret it.

Adaptable people will be fine not matter what.  Adaptable optimists will be fine and happy.  Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

Make sure to empty your pockets, pant-leg cuffs, and other secret clothing crevices before falling asleep on the couch.  Otherwise you will wake up and think you’re back at the beach.

“Good bye” is possibly the most useless phrase in the English language.  Try  “Take care of yourself,” “You’re going to be incredible,” “Keep Writing,” or “I Love You” instead.

“maggie and millie and molly and may

went down to the beach (to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang

so sweetly she couldn’t remember her troubles, and

millie befriended a stranded star

whose rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing

which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone

as small as a world and as large as alone.

for whatever we lose (like a you or a me)

it’s always ourselves that we find in the sea.”

– e.e. cummings



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