While at LBN, almost everyone I considered a true friend lived under one roof (and most that didn’t sleep under that roof shared another roof, a greener one). It was a large canopy covering all sorts of fashions, faiths, fantasies, and fears, but it was unifying in its one-ness, and it put all of together inside one place.
And to state the seemingly obvious, now we are scattered to the four winds. We’re in different states, different time zones, hearing different accents, and so on. But more importantly than that, we’re moving into different places in each of our lives. While all under one roof at LBN, we were in essentially the same phase – the “I’m too big for this place but have no idea where the heck else I’m supposed to be and I couldn’t be there yet even if I wanted to be” phase. It manifested itself differently for all of us; some of us excelled and others hid, some of us cleaned compulsively and others refuse on principle, some of us cried and others dug their nails in the rest, some of us took drugs to sleep or not while others laid in bed feeling their body tense just to keep their heart from bursting through the ceiling.
But now one is nesting and building a home and a world. Another is learning to pay her electricity bill and realizing how lucky she is to have even that, while another adopts a puppy and still another is making their slow progression from plant to puppy to person. And she’s growing into herself now that there’s room without us there and I’m learning to give again like I wondered if I ever could.
Under one roof, we couldn’t see the forest through the trees because we were looking at all the same trees blocking all the same forest. No one could give a different point of view because we were sitting in the same place. But now that we are in different places, we can speak to one and other and have something new to say. We are facing different trials and different joys, and our space and differentiation allows us to support or be happy for the others without being too worn from our own entanglement.
It’s not that I don’t miss you – all of you – because I do. It’s just that it feels so good to catch up on your lives, being able to share my joys and my burdens without feeling like they are playing your own broken records back at you.
“You must look within for value, but must look beyond for perspective.” – Denis Waitley